Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
