my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
