you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
