My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
