420 ftw
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
