they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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