toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
