Michael Bay diarrhea
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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