just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
