your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
