dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
