he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
