My boss' voice literally gives me gas
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
