Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
