Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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