just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
