my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The air was thick with penises
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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