There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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