OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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