Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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