No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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