peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
