Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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