You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
