What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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