I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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