If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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