True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
