Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
