Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
