just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
