Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
