woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
