also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
