i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
