Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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