No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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