I only kidnapped one of them. chill
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
