Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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