its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
