I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the condom got lost in my hair
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
