3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
