No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
