i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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