Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
