Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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