if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
