why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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