I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
