and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
