Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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